Alternative title: “The Surgery”

Although there are many interesting things about being transgendered one that always surprises me is people’s infatuation with my genitals. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked “Have you had ‘the surgery’?” or “Do you have a penis?” I will say, I bet if I had a dollar for every time, I’d be able to afford a nice vacation. Is this okay? Why ask? What are you even asking? For my thoughts read on.

What are you asking?

When someone ask,“Have you had the surgery?” what are they actually asking? There are thousands of different types of surgeries. Even if we narrow it down to the trans-related surgeries there are still at least a couple of dozen, if not a hundred or more with new ones being discovered each year.

The point I’m trying to make here is, if you are going to ask about “the surgery” know what you’re asking. This may require some research in the area. By using proper terminology you will help avoid confusion around what you are asking. This also shows that you at least have some understanding and respect for the topic and know there is more that one surgery.

Why are you asking?

Now that you have a clear understanding of what you are asking think about why. Are you asking just because your curious? Is it because your morals define gender by genitals? Is it because you have a romantic interest?

My thoughts around why ask are this, take some time and really think about the reason behind your question. Think about how asking the question may affect the person you are asking. If your reasons are purely for curiosity then might I suggest you think again. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being curious, however, you being curious may end up hurting someone else.

A lot of transgenderd people don’t like to think about their genitals. They don’t want to be defined by their genitals. By asking the question, “What are your genitals?” you may be bringing up a sore subject. In many case this also comes across as “I see you based on your appearance, your genitals, not on your personality, your soul.”

Is it appropriate?

The last point I wanted to bring up is the appropriateness. For most of you reading this your current genitals were probably genetically given to you at birth. How would you react if someone came up to you and asked, “Do you have a vagina?”, or “So you got a penis, right?” My guess would be you’d probably laugh, get angry, give them a weird look, or scoff and say “um, duh.” So then what makes it okay to ask a gender variant person?

I present you with the idea that it’s not. We live in a society where we don’t run around announcing our genital structure to the world. If perhaps we lived in another society where everyone was nude things would be different but in our society genitals are private. So is asking about them.

There are of course a few exceptions. One of which is medical. In a medical situation where health is a concern knowing someone’s genetics may save their life. Another exception may be if the individual is open to it. Such as if they bring it up. In the context of an interpersonal relationship this may be something that it’s okay to talk about. Yet, in the context of work, school, or person on the street it probably isn’t.

I’ll pause here to say in romantic relationships things get tricky. As I mentioned you probably would find it strange if someone asked about your genitals before asking to take you home. In the same regard keep that in mind when planning to leave the with them. What attracted you to that person. I’d guess it wasn’t their genitals because (I’d hope) they were covered up.

In conclusion, this is just a quick overview of some of what you should know before you ask. Some ideas to get you thinking about what is it you are really asking and how that may affect others. If you have any thoughts leave them in the comments.

One of the most frustration things is when I’m told “You were born a boy, you can never change that.” I admire the concept, the idea, that gender is just that simple. That gender is something that is set, stuck. Who made these rules? Who decides these matters? Our society, culture, civilization, our vain attempts at maintaining social order?

You see, the thing is, I tried being born a boy. I failed, fell short, my efforts, fruitless. That life, it led nowhere. That life, it’s not for me. You see, I wasn’t born a boy at all. I was born a woman. A woman who is forced to fight a little bit more, work a little bit harder, and be a little bit bolder. A woman who no longer lives in sorrow, disappointment and grief. A woman who can finally wake up, look in the mirror, and say, I’m beautiful, pretty, lovely. You see, as for me, I am woman.

Shortly after the death of six youth due to bullying on their sexual orientation or their percived orientation the It Gets Better Project launched to help raise awareness and stop this type of bullying. I decided to join the voices of President Obama, Hillary Clinton and thousands of other notable (and not notable) people to help raise awareness. My video can be seen here or you can watch it below.

Sometimes it’s the little things in life that bring us the most joy. I recently experianced one of these while at work.

Little Girl: “Why is that boy dressed like a girl?”
Mother: “Because he feels like a girl on the inside.”
Little Girl: “That’s confusing.”
Mother:  “It is kind of confusing, but you don’t need to worry about that now.”

It’s great to experience a moment where a complete stranger is able to look at the big picture instead of judging or avoiding the issue. Now we just need more families and individuals like this.

Well it’s been three full months since I’ve updated this blog. So what have I been up to? Well life I suppose. It seems that life has gotten in the way of me blogging about life.

One major thing that has been going on is I have been constantly seeing a therapist since January and have been officially approve for hormones. I will say this was scary at first but it was a very pleasant experience. I found a great therapist. I would also like to encourage everyone reading this who feels that they have gender issues to find a therapist in your area who specializes in this. Seeing someone who knows what they are doing makes all the difference in the world.

I’ll try to update this blog more often just know that I’m not dead yet.